Communicationship Issues

May 12, 2011 1:04 AM

In a relationship, communication is everything. So why don’t boyfriends and husbands express what they’re thinking and feeling? And what can you do about it?

The Silent Types
The guys I know don’t volunteer information too readily. I’m guilty of it too – it never occurs to me to start talking about what my coworkers ate for lunch, or create a narrative out of yet another day at the same job doing the same thing.

When I think about it, I realize that this is the stuff that life is made of, and I should share it with the woman I love. But that kind of sharing doesn’t come naturally.

It’s Not You, It’s Him
If your guy isn’t giving you details about his life, it’s not because he doesn’t trust you, or thinks you don’t want to know. It’s because he thinks no one wants to know.

Women will naturally call up a girlfriend to share the latest gossip about friends, discuss what they wore that day, and generally stay up to date. But men find that kind of talk about as natural as Posh’s rack. And just as hard.

Tease It Out
Don’t confront a guy head-on and demand information. It’ll make you look suspicious and insecure. Men like to hear “why don’t you ever talk about your day?” about as much as they enjoy the question, “what are you thinking about?”

Ease us into it: start by telling us something specific. Then ask the same specific question of us. “I had a veggie wrap for lunch. The mayo was sooo good. How about you?” That way, we can answer easily: we know what we had for lunch, and we know that’s what you’re asking.

The general rule is that small talk can be big.

By starting small and concrete, you help men – who are often taken aback when asked for information that isn’t obviously pertinent to a specific goal or situation – get used to the idea of just chatting. Once you’ve got us talking about sandwiches and office life, you might be able to slip in some more interesting conversation topics. Like how today made you feel. I could be wrong, but I think a lot of guys would actually enjoy talking about their feelings and random thoughts more often. They just need some encouragement to get started.


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