Quotes From 10 Great Moms on Mother’s Day

May 12, 2013 1:37 PM

“People asking what I think my kids got me for Mother’s Day. Guys, my kids have no fucking money.” – Kelly Oxford

“The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly – indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.” – Arianna Huffington

“You make choices as a wife and mother, don’t you? You can’t have it all. I don’t care what it looks like.” – Gwyneth Paltrow

“It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.” –Phyllis Diller

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty. When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short — a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day — And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.”

Tina Fey

“Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch out of her, and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.’” — Christina Applegate

“I love when I go out and I have my hair and makeup done, but I also like it when I’m just with the family because that’s real.” – Heidi Klum

“Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child.” – Tina Brown

“I just think that giving a child a chance and sharing what you have with a child is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, as well as a child.” – Hillary Clinton

“I’m just glad I was able to return to some of that innocence and beauty I had as a child when I started my own family, and my children brought me back some of that spirit.” – Angelina Jolie

 

 

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